Q. I’m 25 years old, working and I’m now going steady with a girl. I have had friendships in the past also and have always felt very intense and insecure about them. Whenever I go out with girls, I am always concerned whether my parents is looking at another male or if other boys are looking at her. I become very possessive and uncomfortable while travelling in a bus or being in the market with my friend. I get agitated and keep wondering whether I would be able to protect her if someone were to pass a comment or make an advance towards her. This has led to some ugly scenes, which have also embarrassed my girl friend. Is it wrong to protect your partner?

Priya, Nanital

Sol. Your need to protect those who need protection! Maybe your girl friend has lived with her own norms of safety and has managed quite well till now. Times-are-a-changing and man-woman relationships too are going through many changes. The social taboos are slowly paving way to people ‘wanting to do their own thing’, sometimes to the discomfort of others. This can often be very harassing for the women and embarrassing for their male escorts.

Yet, most women are able to manage within reasonable limits. Your wanting to protect your female companion is a natural instinct. You need not be fearful or ashamed about it. Yet, do not always be on the lookout for trouble as this may also make her nervous. You may also need to differentiate between a casual glance or look by someone and an actual advance/comment. You may at times read more into a situation and react, making it worse than it is. You should express your ability and desire to protect her and then wait for the right signal from her.

It is advisable to prevent certain situation like being out in secluded spots, her wearing dresses which may attract too much attention or your being too physically close to her in public. At the same time, please do not lose out on the fun of your relationship due to these external factors.

Have faith in yourself, your friend and your bonding with her and this would become just an occasional discomfort in your otherwise loving, healthy relationship which may alos have a future!

Q. I am a 22-year-old girl. I am very attractive and have been in 2 relationships earlier. I met this guy about a one-and-half month ago and I think that he really likes me and I like him too. He has a very busy schedule because of his job and friends. He always says he will call me, but usually does not. If he really likes me then why won’t he call me? Please tell me, as I have to decide the future of this relationship for myself. Also, how can I tell if he likes me for me and not just my looks?

Nirmala, UP

Sol. It could be that he really is too busy to call. If he really wanted to, he would make the call to you. Don’t give him more importance than he is willing to give you. Which is probably true for most relationships.

As per understanding issue are concerned this issue is something that becomes apparent as you spend more time with a person. Usually, if the attraction is purely physical, the relationship will eventually fizzle, rather than sizzle, as you realise that you don’t have much in common. Not only with this guy, but also with anyone you go out with, pay attention to how he treats you. You yourself have to decide what you want to do.